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Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Friday, December 9, 2011

Flash Fiction Friday 12-9-11: "Breakfast Surprise"

(Image source: "Sunny Sunday Morning" by T.C. Reiner)

She staggered out into the kitchen, drawn by the aroma of her Elixir of Life. Her head was still pounding after last night's pounding, but she'd have done it all again in a second.

And might still, she thought speculatively, watching his ass work as he moved about in front of the stove. He wore an apron and nothing else.

“Ah! You're awake,” he said calmly. “Breakfast first, then dessert.”

“Dessert?” she wondered as she poured, still half awake.

“Why, yes,” he said. “First we get our strength back...then I attack you again and have you for afters.”

She shivered deliciously, feeling the clockwork mechanism get started, the floodgates opening again. “Wonderful,” she smiled, and sipped from her cup.

And choked, convulsed, sprayed the mouthful all over the kitchen. He whirled around, spatula held high, shouting, “What? What is it???”

“Burned coffee,” she coughed.




Your challenge for today was to use the picture above and write a flash fiction of 60-160 words. Additionally, I provided a key phrase I wanted to see used somewhere in the submission:

"...burned coffee..."

Nobody's checking word counts, or for the key phrase, but you're only cheating yourself if you break the rules. Unless you're doing it to earn a spanking (in which case, see me after class).

Special Bonus Director's Commentary Track:

I'm not quite sure where I got the key phrase; it just popped into my head. Likewise, my approach on this one. I'm a big fan of sex after breakfast (or sex before breakfast.....or sex in the middle of breakfast) so I guess this isn't a big surprise. I don't do much good in the kitchen but I do well with breakfast stuff, and I do like to feed my partner the morning after a long night of fun. And yes, I've done the "apron only" thing once or twice.

Still, I know a few people who can't get started without their morning coffee, and even a prelude of foreplay would go awry if the coffee was burned. Not having a taste for the stuff myself, I wouldn't know. I hope you enjoyed this one.

If you are playing along this week, please leave your link below using the widget. It will appear in the text of the post itself, not in the comments, so everyone that's playing will be listed here. This frees me from having to chase people down to find out if they're playing or update the Friday post several times for late entries. Your cooperation is appreciated.

In any case, the participants list is below. Go check them out, and thanks to all who played along.



Please note that this will likely be the last FFF for the year. Starting early next week I will be traveling for the remainder of the year and my Internet access on private computers is going to be extremely spotty. You may see a post here and there, or I may leave comments once in a while, but don't count on it.


Merry Christmas to all and a Happy New Year. I'll see you all in 2012.

-- PB

Friday, November 4, 2011

Flash Fiction Friday 11-4-11: "On Sale Now"

(Image source unknown but was titled "Entertainment Center")


“Thirty thousand? You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Howard laughed.

“I assure you, sir, it's worth every penny,” the salesman rejoined. “It has everything you need for a solitary evening of Monday Night Football.”

“Well...it is very well constructed,” Howard mused. “So lifelike...hey!” He jumped back as if his fingers had been burned. “It's warm to the touch!”

“Of course, sir!” the salesman said eagerly. “We strive for realism in our models.”

He shot Howard a knowing glance. “Would you care to try it out?”

Howard licked his lips, feeling his cock start to throb. “I, um...do you have a private room?”

The salesman smirked. “No need, sir. We've seen it all before.”



Your challenge for today was to use the picture above and write a flash fiction of 75-125 words. Additionally, I provided a key phrase I wanted to see used somewhere in the submission:

"...so lifelike..."

Nobody's checking word counts, or for the key phrase, but you're only cheating yourself if you break the rules. Unless you're doing it to earn a spanking (in which case, see me after class).

Special Bonus Director's Commentary Track:

I really really didn't like this picture, so I compromised by turning it into a display at a big-box store and making the guy who was buying it into a loser who can't get a girl of his own and has to pay thirty thousand for his "entertainment center". And then took it even more over the top by suggesting that there are so many of these sold that the customers "trying them out" in public was so common that the salesmen had become inured to it. The ridiculous approach was the only one I could come up with to make it palatable for me. I hate nude photos or porn that objectifies women.

Sadly, I think the fact is that something like this would be a big success. What a world we live in....

If you are playing along this week, please leave your link below using the widget. It will appear in the text of the post itself, not in the comments, so everyone that's playing will be listed here. This frees me from having to chase people down to find out if they're playing or update the Friday post several times for late entries. Your cooperation is appreciated.

In any case, the participants list is below. Go check them out, and thanks to all who played along.



Check back here on Monday for the next challenge! And if you have any photos or artwork you'd like to see in a future challenge, please send them my way. 

-- PB

Friday, October 7, 2011

Flash Fiction Friday 10-7-11: "The Treatment Was Successful...."

(Source image by Vlad Gansovsky, title unknown)


“........at least, that's my opinion. You should give it a try!” Lisa said cheerfully.

Paul and Jane looked at each other tentatively. Jane licked her lips.

“What would it hurt?” she mused.

“Might even be fun,” he said.

“Okay, let's try!” And with that, she began tearing enthusiastically at his clothes. He growled and yanked her sweater open. Buttons flew everywhere and her breasts spilled into his hands. He dove in, sucking and licking as if his life depended on it. She pulled his slacks and boxers down, his cock flopping free and then rapidly swelling as she gave it a tongue bath. His hands were all over her, twining in her hair, grabbing her ass, slipping between her legs to find her, surprisingly, just as ready as he.

She jumped into his lap, lifting and sinking down with a groan. He gasped too as she started bucking, riding him wildly.

The lobby door opened, the receptionist glancing down at her clipboard. “Mr. and Mrs.....Johanssen, was it? Dr. Ruth will see you now.”

Lisa sipped at her coffee, glancing at Paul and Jane. They hadn't even heard. “I don't think they need to see the doctor anymore,” she said.



Your challenge for today was to use the picture above and write a flash fiction of 78-208 words. Additionally, I provided a key phrase I wanted to see used somewhere in the submission:

"...enthusiastically..."

Nobody's checking word counts, or for the key phrase, but you're only cheating yourself if you break the rules. Unless you're doing it to earn a spanking (in which case, see me after class).

Special Bonus Director's Commentary Track:


This one was fun. I looked at this picture and immediately thought "doctor's office!" And my imagination was off and running. At first I thought Paul and Jane were just bored and killing some time while they waited (you know how it is when you're waiting at the doctor's, the wait is interminable). Then, I'm not sure why, I took a closer look at the woman sitting next to them. She didn't look bored to me, but a bit smug. With that, my take on the picture solidified. This wasn't just any doctor's office, but a sex therapist's, where Paul and Jane were supposed to be meeting with the doctor to discuss their problems. But the woman sitting next to them had struck up a conversation with them, and given them a bit of good advice (more likely just a bit of common sense), and pretty soon they discovered they don't have any problems after all.

It's purely coincidental that they chose to try it out right then and there, of course. Has nothing to do with the fact that I think it would be really hot to have sex in a doctor's reception room with nobody caring. (God, I really am becoming an exhibitionist at heart).


Trivia: "The Treatment Was Successful......" is from that line of the old joke. The next line, of course, is ".......but the patient died."  For those who actually know the joke, I thought it would add a bit of urgency to the story even before you read it. The use of "Dr. Ruth" was just so it was clear they were visiting a sex therapist. Both of these things are what's commonly known as "overthinking it", incidentally.

If you are playing along this week, please leave your link below using the widget. It will appear in the text of the post itself, not in the comments, so everyone that's playing will be listed here. This frees me from having to chase people down to find out if they're playing or update the Friday post several times for late entries. Your cooperation is appreciated.

In any case, the participants list is below. Go check them out, and thanks to all who played along.



Check back here on Monday for the next challenge! And if you have any photos or artwork you'd like to see in a future challenge, please send them my way. 

-- PB

Friday, December 24, 2010

Flash Fiction Friday 12-24-10: "A Holly Jolly Christmas"

(Artwork above is from a 70s Playboy cover by Haddon Sundblom, who is rather more well known for his other Christmas art.)

Christmas Eve, and Santa was more stressed than he'd been in months. Lists to check (twice), an elf rebellion to quell (the little buggers had gotten into the egg nog and were refusing to finish up the last few toys), last-minute transportation arrangements to handle (Rudolph, usually reliable, had been found dead drunk in a snowbank, muttering something about being a misfit). Santa wished grimly for a drink, and went back to rechecking the "naughty" list.

"Awwww. Is Papa all stressed out?" he heard from behind him.

Turning, he beheld a vision. A Christmas hat cocked at a jaunty angle. Golden hair framing an angelic -- no, make that a devilish smile. And the shortest red robe he'd ever seen. Not to mention the spectacular body it was just barely hiding.

"Here," she cooed. "Let me take care of that." And she spread her robe like she was unwrapping a gift.

Ten minutes later, Santa was feeling much more jolly. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" he boomed cheerfully. "I've gotten my present; time to get all the good girls and boys their presents too!

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Claus," she grinned.

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Claus," he replied, and kissed her tenderly.


Your challenge for today was to use the picture above and write a flash fiction of 121-199 words. Additionally, I provided a key phrase I wanted to see used somewhere in the submission:

"...unwrapping a gift..."

Nobody's checking word counts, or for the key phrase, but you're only cheating yourself if you break the rules. Unless you're doing it to earn a spanking (in which case, see me after class). 

Special Bonus Director's Commentary Track:

This was partially inspired by Jimmy Buffett's highly amusing island-flavored Christmas tune "Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum" (listen to it on Youtube here; lyrics are here if you really have trouble figuring them out). Who has more reason to be stressed during the Christmas season than Santa himself? I mean, the number of things he has to keep track of must be just ridiculous. And aside from the odd household that leaves out cookies and milk for him, how many people ever say thanks? I like to think that Santa's wife does what she can to help keep him unstressed, and I also like to think that someone who's that cheerful must have a very happy and very active sex life. So I wrote a little piece where Santa gets a nice bout of happy holiday sex from his loving wife and the problems he's dealing with just melt away. If you don't like that, well, humbug to you. :)

Eagle-eyed readers, or at least readers with the same exposure to children's TV specials, may also have noted the tip of the hat to the old Rankin-Bass animated "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" holiday special, both in the title and in the piece itself. I will never tire of watching that; there are so many happy memories associated with it. I never thought Rudolph was a misfit, but then that may just be because I was something of a weird misfit myself, growing up. And "Papa" is just what Mrs. Claus calls Santa in that special; there's no Santa-daughter incest going on here. :)

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! 

Please note that there is no participants list this week as I am traveling for personal and business reasons and have limited access to email and to Blogger. I hope you enjoyed this week's pic and challenge. Check back here on Monday for the next challenge, and if you have any photos or artwork you'd like to see in a future challenge, please send them my way. 

-- PB

Friday, October 29, 2010

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Group Post: "Trust Me"

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing!"

"Oh, God, don't say that," she groused, chafing irritably, trying to find a comfortable position. The chain clinked, and she stifled a cry of annoyance. "Sledge Hammer used to say that. Remember? That 80s TV show?"

He looked puzzled, then his face lit up. "Oh yeah!" He went back to wrapping the rope around her wrists. "He had this weird relationship going with his Magnum, and he shot first and asked questions never?" He grinned, pulling the rope tighter, fumbling for a way to tie it off. "And that was his catch phrase, yeah! Trust me, I know what I'm doing!" He shook his head. "Man, I haven't thought about that show in years." Now he was fiddling with the nipple clamps, looking a bit lost.

She sighed. "Maybe it worked for Sledge, but when he said it, you actually believed him." She reconsidered. "Well, some of the time, anyway." She shifted again, her back throbbing. "Ow," she muttered.

"What, are you saying you don't believe me?"

She gave him a very direct look. "C'mon, babe. You damn near pulled my shoulders out of their sockets first. Then you sat on my hair and almost ripped some of it out when you moved me to a new position. Then you 'slipped' and chose the wrong hole when you inserted the vibrator. Now you're cutting off my circulation because you tied the damn rope too tight." She motioned with the tip of her nose, it being the only part of her that could actually point at the moment. "And those there are supposed to go on my nipples, not my toes."

He looked so much like a puppy that had been kicked that she thought briefly about taking it all back. Then her back muscles screamed at her again to come to her senses, and she rallied. "Just let me loose and I'll give you a blowjob that'll make you come buckets. Hm? Whaddya say?"

Indecision warred with relief in his eyes. "Well, I don't know," he temporized. "You've been such a naughty girl, after all." His cock was already beginning to twitch, though.

God save and protect us, she thought, keeping from rolling her eyes with a mighty effort. "Come on, sugar," she cooed, using the little-girl voice she knew he loved. "Let baby give you what she wants."

"Well.....okay," he said hastily, cutting through the ropes with unseemly haste, removing the misapplied clamps, pulling the vibrator free and removing the choke chain around her neck. He lay down on the bed eagerly, already pulsing and hard. She stretched lazily, relishing the feel of restored circulation, then slid slowly up the bed towards him like a stalking cat. He's a geek, she thought, but he's my geek.

She took him deep with one swallow and he moaned loudly enough to crack a window. "God, I didn't know you could do that!" he gasped raggedly.

She slid him out of her mouth, drooling saliva everywhere, knowing he loved that. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing," she purred.

The Group Post is the brainchild of Kimberly, the Errant Wife. Why not see how these other fine folks handled the theme of "Trust Me"? They're all talented folks, worth a read.


Veronica:  http://anothersuburbanmom.blogspot.com
Aurore:  http://dangerousliaisons-aurore.blogspot.com
they belong to us:  http://theybelongtous.wordpress.com
bdenied:  http://cuckold-husband-bdenied.blogspot.com
The Duchess:  http://theduchessissexy.blogspot.com
Ronjazz:  http://ronjazz.blogspot.com
Kink Chronicles:  http://thekinkchronicles.blogspot.com
Topaz:  http://topaz-gemology.blogspot.com
Gray:  http://mygrayline.blogspot.com
Advizor:  http://advizortoall.blogspot.com
And finally, our host Kimberly:
Kimberly:  http://yourerrantwife.blogspot.com



Thanks as always to Kimberly for hosting!)


-- PB

Friday, May 14, 2010

Friday, May 7, 2010

Flash Fiction Friday 5-7-10: "A Hot Breakfast"


The scent of breakfast was in the air. Pancakes, bacon, eggs. Mmmm, delicious. She froze as she rounded the corner of the kitchen.

He grinned innocently. “Morning. Care for some breakfast?”

Her mouth watered. “Oh, yes. I see you were kind enough to prepare me a nice big sausage.”

He glanced down, then back up. “Well, I know how you do love savoring that sausage in your mouth.”

“Indeed,” she agreed, and tied a napkin around her neck, fastidiously.


Your challenge for today was to use the picture above and write a flash fiction of 63-83 words. Nobody's checking word counts, but you're only cheating yourself if you break the rules. Unless you're doing it to earn a spanking (in which case, see me after class).

The following people are participating this week. Why not go check out their take on this FFF? 

Netsfan44:  http://netsfan44eroticstories.blogspot.com   (new this week, go say hello!)
Soren:  http://amorousdays.blogspot.com
Lila:  http://que-sinverguenza.blogspot.com
Spring Flower:  http://agirlsgottahaveoptions.blogspot.com
Jonsbabydoll:  http://thebloggingslave.com
Gray:  http://mygrayline.blogspot.com
Curvaceous Dee:  http://curvaceousdee.com
Nilla:  http://vanillamom.wordpress.com
Snow:  http://snow9.wordpress.com
Sephani Paige:  http://sephanipaige.wordpress.com
Katia:  http://katiaswritings.blogspot.com
Max:  http://mystic-satyr.blogspot.com

Check back here on Monday for the next challenge! And if you'd like to see a particular photo or artwork used for a future challenge, send it my way. 

-- PB

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Hot and Wet

"Remind me again why I let you talk me into this?" she inquired, shivering.

"Oh come on, Mar," he said. "You know the water'll feel great when we get there. 105 degrees, the park ranger said."

"Yeah, but he never said it'd be this freakin' cold at 3 AM!" she complained.

"Hey, that's your own fault for wearing just a bikini for the hike," he said. "C'mere. It's only half a mile to the hot springs, I'll keep you warm."

".......bastard," she muttered, refusing to be soothed, teeth still chattering.

"All right, all right," he sighed mock-theatrically. "Here, take my jacket. We're almost there anyway."

"I still can't believe you didn't bring a bathing suit," she said, snuggling into the folds of fleece as they walked.

"Remember what else the ranger said," he reminded her. "At this hour, people tend to regard clothing as optional in the springs."

"Yeah, but what if...."

"What if, what? What if we see some unattractive or overweight people without their clothes? What if there are some prudes there who don't approve? What if I get pounced on by a bevy of beauties when I strip down and hop in?"

She punched him in the ribs, hard. "Ow," he complained.

"Have to keep that ego in check," she said. "It's getting out of control again."

"Yeah, guess I can't argue with that," he said. "Anyway, there's nothing to worry about. Neither of us two cares about showing skin, so why should we give a damn about being nude in front of strangers we'll never see again? And if there are prudes, they'll just leave when they see skin. And as far as 'unattractive' goes, who cares about that either? Everybody's beautiful in their own way."

She shrugged. "Oh, have it your way, Brand. I still think it's going to be deserted at this hour."

"We'll see," he said. "I don't think so, though. Hear that?"

She had. Splashing and laughter drifted to them on the slight breeze from a spot somewhere up ahead.

"Told you we were almost there," he said. "C'mon, let's hurry. I'm getting cold without my jacket."

She punched him again, but not hard this time.

***************************

"Now that IS something," she said.

He couldn't think of any better words, and settled for simply squeezing her hand.

Before them in a small vista lay a series of natural hot springs, lit by soft white electric lamps. Steam rose from the bubbling water, coalescing in the chill air. The pools ranged from three or four feet in diameter to forty feet across at the largest. That last was currently occupied by three laughing and splashing couples, all of them naked as the day they were born. Their clothing lay in unheeded heaps nearby. The breeze soughed through the pines, its rustling seeming somehow secretive, approving of this hidden bower.

"Well?" he mused. "Shall we, then?"

She grinned, suddenly looking much more enthusiastic. "Yes, let's."

The other couples had obviously become aware of them -- shouts of greeting drifted across the pools, then changed to raucous yells of ribaldry as he began pulling off his clothes. "Woo! Take it off, baby!" shouted one of the women, standing up and waggling her glistening breasts at him. Brand grinned at her, and added a small bump and grind to his movements as he pulled off his shirt. More catcalls, this time from the two men who had their arms round each other -- another couple, obviously. "Nice pecs, baby!" they shouted. "What else you got in there?"

Mara's face was flaming as the comments continued, both the men and women making more and more pointed observations as her boyfriend slowly pulled off his jeans, revealing a nice ridge in his boxers -- the fucker was obviously getting turned on by this! She heard a soft moan and realized it was hers. Obviously Brand wasn't the only one who was turned on. She grinned. Time to turn the tables on him. She stepped forward and, hooking her fingers into his boxers, yanked them down around his ankles before he could react. His cock sprang out, pointing straight at her, and he gasped as the cold air hit his heated flesh. It wasn't cold long, though, as she opened her mouth and took his shaft down her throat in one swift, practiced move.

Brand shuddered and moaned and his legs wobbled. She felt him pressing on her shoulders for support; dimly she registered the filthy shouts from the onlookers, urging her onward. She started bobbing up and down on his cock, slathering sloppy spit everywhere, her hands going to his ass and pulling him closer or running up and down his legs and thighs. She couldn't believe what she was doing; five minutes ago she'd been wondering how she'd handle it if the springs weren't deserted, and here she was now deep-throating Brand in front of six total strangers, and loving it.

Brand's moans grew louder and louder as she worked his cock furiously with mouth, lips, tongue, throat. He staggered and almost fell and his cock popped out with a wet splatting sound. In a second he had his control back; stooping, he pulled Mara to her feet and spun her around, planting kisses on her throat, her neck, her face, her mouth. Now his hands were all over her, roaming, delighting, arousing her still further. Goosebumps rose in the wake of his heated touch. Her nipples, already hard as stones from the cold, were trying to tear through the fabric of her bikini.

Brand solved that problem by untying her top with fumbling haste and pulling it aside. Wolf whistles and cheers from the occupied spring, now. She felt her face go red again, but instead of giving in to the urge to cover herself, she leaned back into Brand's caresses, spreading her legs and arching her back to make her tits stand out more. She felt his hands lifting and cupping her tits, and he called out to the onlookers: "Impressive, aren't they?" More whistles and cheers in approbation. Now his hands were working industriously between her spread legs. She felt him shift as he kicked free of the jeans and boxers still down around his ankles, then he was untying her bikini bottom as well.

God, is he....? she wondered hazily, and then wondered no longer as his fingers plunged into her pussy. She cried out in wonder and ecstasy -- it was still a shock to her how damn good he felt inside her, whether fingers, cock or tongue -- and felt herself going limp as he worked her sopping slit. She found some strength, and raised her head to direct a challenging stare at the other couples, all of them now cheering wildly and offering suggestions as to how exactly Brand should proceed next. "You like what you see, do you?" she shouted raggedly, and felt her blood burn at the answering shouts.

Brand obviously had his own ideas on how to proceed, though. In a trice she felt herself scooped up. He took the few remaining steps towards the biggest spring, and dropped her into it without so much as a by-your-leave. She gasped again as the enveloping heat rushed over her and she burst to the surface, scattering spray in all directions like an eager dolphin. The cold night air quickly assaulted her wet skin, and she ducked rapidly down again.

Seconds later Brand cannonballed into the water as well. A giant wave arrowed across the pool and smacked the other couples in the face; laughing and choking, they settled back, their own arms and hands now working busily. Obviously the general excitement was catching in more ways than one. She saw the male couple tongue-spelunking furiously, could almost hear the beard stubble rasping from here. The dirty blonde who'd yelled at Brand to "take it off" had her head thrown back and her arms looped around her man's neck; it looked like he'd impaled her quite nicely and she was now hanging on for a ride. The other two had their arms around each other, idly caressing, but were still watching Brand and Mara intently. Their stares were at once challenging and inviting.

Mara looked at Brand and motioned to the watching couple with a twist of her head. "Shall we give them a real show?" she murmured throatily. She lay back, floating, and spread her legs towards Brand. "Let's go, boy. Always wanted to fuck you in the water."

"Then there's no time like the present," he agreed, wading close, guiding his cock into her slit. Water mingled with her juices as he slid home. Mara moaned again, and clenched her legs around his ass. "Wouldn't do to disappoint our audience," he grunted, already starting that nice grinding rhythm that she knew would have her shrieking her pleasure to the stars within minutes. "Now are you glad we came?"

"I haven't yet," she sighed, riding his cock, riding the swells of the waves. Soft murmurs of approval came from the watching couple; the other two were far too wrapped up in each other to care. "But if you keep that up, it isn't going to be long."

-- PB

Monday, February 15, 2010

Microfantasy Monday: "Furniture"

"What's the theme this week, hon?" she gasped, moving up and down on him.

"Furniture, it appears," he answered. She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, we've already got a good start, here in the chair," she sighed. He nodded, thrusting a bit harder up and into her, grunting.

"What next, then?"

"Mmmmm. How about this?"

Steadying her with one arm, he swept papers and other crap off the desk with the other. Standing, he lifted her with him and dropped her unceremoniously on the mahogany surface. He grabbed at her shoulder to keep her from sliding off the desk on a tide of her own sweat. And other things.

"Ouch!" she laughed. "Not so hard!"

"Not so hard, eh?" he grinned, and began pounding into her again. "I thought you liked it nice and hard."

"Oh yes," she moaned as the hammer struck. "But only in some cases."

They stayed in that position, rocking and reeling, for a few minutes before her roving eye lit on the couch. "Oo! There! There! Always wanted to be Jeanne Tripplehorn in Basic Instinct."

"How nice for you," he growled, lifting her up and walking her to the couch, then throwing her forward over it so her round ass pointed back at him, "that I always wanted to be Michael Douglas taking her in that scene." And he spread her legs and slammed home into her. She screamed, but not in pain. "God yes! Oh, I'm liking this week's theme."

"Have to remember to thank Ang afterwards," he grunted, pistoning into her, smacking her ass. "I didn't think I could be any hotter for you, but she's managed it." He fucked her for a double dozen strokes and then pulled out with a wet schlicking noise."Next."

"Next?" she wondered, raising her head groggily, hung over the back of the sofa like wet laundry on a line. "Hey, give me a hand up, dammit."

He pulled and she flew up and into his arms. "Mmm, yes," she murmured, and wriggled against him. "Who needs furniture? We can just do it right here." And wrapped her hand around his cock to squeeze.

"Dammit, woman," he snarled, trying to sound stern, "we should at least fulfill our obligation before losing control completely. That okay with you?"

"Oh, sure," she said, and began walking towards the kitchen table, leading him by the cock. "Anything you say." She hopped up on the table and lay down carefully, spreading her legs invitingly. "Mind the breakfast dishes."

"Fuck the breakfast dishes," he growled, and drove upward, forward, into her. Her eyes went wide in mock disapproval. "But I'd rather you fuck me!" she squealed happily.

"Good," he moaned, and began doing so in earnest. 

(Microfantasy Monday is the brainchild of Ang, the Sweltering Celt. If you want to see who else is playing this week, why not go see her?)

-- PB

Friday, January 15, 2010

Flash Fiction Friday #21: "S-M BDSM"


Mary Jane hung, splayed, in the alleyway. The rain, so warm and inviting after that first kiss, was cold and sharp now. Her nipples were crinkled painfully hard, and each new droplet splatting on her back stabbed her skin like tiny nails. Water ran in rivulets down her arms and legs, streamed into her ears, got up her nose, made her damp mane heavier still. Her neck was starting to hurt.

She stretched and flexed again, testing her bonds once more. Webbing at her ankles, webbing at her hands, webbing round her waist and disappearing to some unseen spot above. No give, no loosening, from any of them; she was well and truly stuck for whatever he had planned. At least the alleyway was deserted; she thanked her stars for that much. She raised her head and found him, staring back at her from his perch on the wall nearby. The opaque eyelets gave no hint of what he was thinking.

God, she thought, if I'd known Spider-Man was into bondage, I'd never have kissed him in the first place....


(If you're confused by the reference on this one, I guess you haven't seen "Spider-Man". Go watch this vid at Youtube, and then you'll see why I had to write this after seeing the pic. 

The enchanting Luna Mauvaise has provided the challenge pic this week (and, for a change, no word requirement). Spanky is still MIA, so we still have no one to host Flash Fiction Friday. Want to see who else is playing? Go see Luna.)

-- PB

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Dickerdoodles!

I have a few New Year's-type thoughts rolling around in my head but nothing concrete yet. I have a few stories written but they aren't polished enough for my taste yet. So for a bit of new content today, enjoy this link to Penny Arcade's gallery of Dickerdoodle contest winners. Oh, and why not, a link to last year's gallery of winners as well (scroll down a bit)  . I'm such a giver.

(Oh, you don't know what a Dickerdoodle is? Cock-shaped cookies, preferably with lots of cum frosting. The more depraved, the better. Here's a sample photo.)

I'm gratified at the response to yesterday's offering, "Late Arrival: An Airport Encounter". If you liked the tale, why not tell a friend? The more the merrier. :) </shameless pimping>  I think I'll submit it for the next eLust -- which reminds me, I need to post the new eLust here.

-- PB

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Texts From Last Night

Also found in my wanderings today: Texts From Last Night. These are the text messages you wish you hadn't sent last night. Or sent and then realized you needed to share them with someone else.

I can't stop looking away from this site. It's like watching a horrible train wreck. Some of my favorites so far:

(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passed out. when you wish upon a star...

(214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"   (PB note: I snorted my drink through my nose after reading this one).

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.


(901): guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching

(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

Enjoy, folks. 

-- PB

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

"And Then They Fucked"

I forgot to mention that I threw up a parody piece at Spanky and Tiggs's Erotic Flash Fiction yesterday. I don't know what possessed me to do this, but the idea of writing some deliberately bad erotica just wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. It took longer than I thought and every bit of it was like gouging out my eyeballs with a spoon. It hurts to write that badly. :)

If you're morbidly curious, "And Then They Fucked" can be found here. I take no responsibility for bleeding from the eyes, nose, or ears upon reading.

-- PB

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

[fiction] A Race to the Finish

(I've just discovered that this story was chosen as the Editor's Choice in Sugasm #174. I'm honored! Welcome to all who drop by from that link -- thanks for visiting and I hope you like what else you see here.)

Lying on the couch, I watched her working at the computer, angrily brushing tendrils of black hair out of her face. She bit at her lower lip in that way that signified frustration for her but always turned me on.

"What is it, hon?" I asked. "You look annoyed. Well, more annoyed than usual when you're working."

She shook her head. "I need a break but I can't. Too damn much to get done."

"What, not even ten minutes?"

She glanced at me and her mouth quirked. "Get that look off your face, you know I haven't got time for that."

"Oh, come on," I grinned. "There's always time for that."

She made a show of giving it some thought, but I recognized the signs very well. Deeper breathing, wider pupils, shifting her legs in her seat. Her brain had already shifted into that gear and was accelerating down that road. "Okay, ten minutes. But no more than that."

"Well, if you're going to be that draconic about it, why not make it into a race?" I suggested, getting off the couch and moving towards her. She stood, too, and her arms went around me, pulling me close. "First one to get off is the winner?"

"Perfect," she smiled. "Even though we're both winners when that is going on."

"True enough. Well, do you want a countdown, or what?"

She cocked an eye skywards, thinking, and then nodded, licking her lips.

I made a great production of resetting the timer function on my wristwatch, cleared my throat, and began the countdown with much pomp and circumstance and my best stadium announcer voice. "TEN! NIIIINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX!........"

As I hit "five," though, she dropped to her knees and with one swift motion had my jeans around my ankles. My cock, half-hard already, bounced free, almost hitting her in the face, and without any further ado she was doing her best impression of a wet-dry vacuum. "Hey!" I squeaked. "No fair! Flying start! Disqualified!" She ignored me magnificently, sucking me with a fervor I'd rarely seen, slurping and slobbering on my cock like there was a deadline to meet. Which I guess there was.

"Oh, the hell with it," I groaned, and staggered backwards, falling on my ass with a crash. Very undignified, but how dignified can you be with your pants around your ankles? My cock sprang free from her mouth with a wet pop and waved about like a toy on a spring. She giggled and reached for it again, but I grabbed her roughly and yanked hard. She squealed indignantly as her T-shirt went roughly over her head and her tits were released. "That was my ear!" she yelped. "Yeah, and this is your pussy," I noted as my groping hands found her own pants and began working at the snap. ".....well, it would be if I could get this open."

She smirked and bent forward with a hungry look in her eyes. "Better hurry, loverboy. Clock's ticking." And she engulfed me again, sucking all the way down to my balls -- how the hell did she do that? Moaning, eyes rolling wildly at the shocks that were coursing through me, I finally fumbled the snap on her pants free and pulled them down, along with her panties -- "No fair!" I gasped, already breathing hard. "I wasn't wearing any underwear, you are!" She somehow managed to giggle with her mouth full, and showed a bit of mercy by sliding around so we were now in 69 position. As she straddled my mouth, I brought my hands down hard on her ass with a loud smack. She yelped again, but this time in a good way. "God I love it when you do that," she moaned, and proved it, dripping wet and hot into my questing mouth.

I dove in headfirst....er, tongue-first. I lapped at her slit like the most delicious ice-cream cone I'd ever tasted -- except I don't think any ice-cream cone had ever been eaten with quite so much urgency. There was a race on here, after all, and I was already halfway to coming when I'd barely started on her. Fortunately, tons of practice and tons of enthusiasm has taught me how to drive her out of her skull in about three minutes. I hoped I could manage that; it was damnably hard to concentrate with her sucking my cock so enthusiastically. I could feel her humming contentedly to herself; the vibrations were making things even worse. Her breasts were pressed against my belly and I could feel the nipples poking me, turning me on even more. And she was now upping the ante by starting to work my shaft with her hands as she sucked, twisting them in opposite directions for an exquisite friction.

Still, time to keep a stiff upper lip (or cock, as the case may be) in the face of adversity! I used every trick I knew on her, licking in frantic circles around her clit, working two fingers into her pussy and spreading her wider, working her G-spot as best I could from this position, pressing the broad side of my tongue against her clit and rippling it, and generally making as much noise and mayhem as I could. She was making things more difficult by thrashing about, and spanking her wasn't getting her to sit still, it was making her thrash more. Plus, with every smack she would suck harder on me, inciting moans of my own, or squeeze my cock, or drool some more hot wetness over my length. I could feel my balls getting ready to boil over and needed to do something quickly to finish her before she finished me.

In desperation, I worked a third finger inside her and captured her clit with my lips, squeezing it very gently and flicking my tonguetip back and forth across it very very softly -- not too much now! She moaned gutturally around my cock and let it flop free for a second to release a growling, shaking moan, coming somewhere from deep inside her. I could tell she was close and increased the pressure just a bit.

I shouldn't have done that. I heard some words I could barely recognize as "oh, no you don't" and no sooner had I heard that than she was sucking hard, up and down, on the head of my cock while simultaneously twist-massaging it with rippling hands. There was no way I could withstand that. I grunted like the animal she'd reduced me to and seconds later she was spluttering happily as I flooded her hungry mouth with my come. I could feel drops and strings of it mixing with her saliva and pooling on my belly as she worked me with her hand and sucked the last dregs free.

"You beat me," I gasped, "but there is a prize for second in this race!" I redoubled my assault on her clit with mouth and tongue, pulled my fingers free of her and began raining slaps on her ass, hard, both hands one after the other. Very soon she too was grunting and moaning as she splashed all over my face, coming in second in the race but with a clear victory by forcing me into first. A strange race, to be sure.

Eventually she rolled off me, smirking at me with a patently obvious "you lose!" look on her face. And promptly crowed about her victory, putting her hand up to her forehead and making an "L" shape. "Loser! Loser!" she intoned in her best impression of the Top Gear hosts. I knew I'd have to put up with it for quite a while, but somehow I didn't mind very much. I'd find a way to win the next round.

-- PB

[[Inspired by Miss Sexie Sadie's recent story "Countdown". This one, however, is fiction. I wanted to have a bit of silly fun with the idea of a rush to orgasm.]]