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Friday, October 29, 2010

Halloween Flash Fiction Friday 10-29-10: "Til Death Do Us Part"

(Image source: "Ligeia 1" by Louis Cheshire, website unknown)

The air was thick and heavy, redolent with incense. Grandiose organ chords swelled softly in the background. The centerpiece of it all: the lifeless body of his lover, laid on a bier, nude but for a veil.

“Oh, my love,” he moaned, stroking himself slowly. “You left me far too soon. Now you lie cold and dead, as dead as my heart within me. Never again to languish in my arms...”

A tear slipped down his cheek. He began stroking faster, awaiting the moment of truth....

The doors slammed open and a policeman burst in, gun drawn. “Freeze!” he screamed. “Drop the dick and step away from the body!”

Jon lurched to his feet, cock waving indignantly in the air. “Officer,” he tried, “this isn't....”

“ 'What it looks like?' ” the cop parroted, sarcastically. “What the hell else could it be?”

“No, seriously, I can explain!” Jon insisted frantically.

“He's right, you know.” The “corpse” sat up, removing its veil. The cop shrieked like a little girl and dropped his gun.

“Officer,” Jon said diffidently, “meet my wife, Charity.”


“You see? It was her idea,” Jon explained down at the police station. “We even rented out the funeral home for the night.”

“Fucking weirdos,” the cop grumbled. “I guess you're free to go.”

“Officer,” Jon said as they got up, “I don't get something. How did you know to bust us?”

The cop shrugged. “Anonymous tip.”

Jon looked at Charity, suspicion dawning. Her shoulders were shaking with laughter.

“You...little bitch,” he said with admiration.

Your Halloween-themed challenge for today was to use the picture above and write a flash fiction of 150-275 words. Additionally, I provided a key phrase I wanted to see used somewhere in the submission:

"...cold and dead..."

Nobody's checking word counts, or for the key phrase, but you're only cheating yourself if you break the rules. Unless you're doing it to earn a spanking (in which case, see me after class).

Special Bonus Director's Commentary Track: 

Surprisingly, I had almost no decent Halloween-themed pictures handy. I went through my collection of possible FFF pictures and finally came upon (ha) this one. I've always been a big fan of Poe (the writer, in this case, not the musician; although I do love her stuff too), so this artwork seemed like a nice depressing and twisted Halloween-themed pic.

When it came time to actually come up with my own FFF, on the other hand, things turned out quite differently. On Monday, when I first looked at the pic, I'd intended nothing more than a reimagining of Poe's "Ligeia", leaving the nudity and sexual theme of the pic out completely. I'd make it dark and turbulent, somber and depressing, the kind of tale that makes you look for razor blades to make the hurting stop.

When I looked at it again on Thursday, though, I wrinkled my nose and thought I really didn't want to go that direction after all. Accordingly, I found refuge in absurdity, going so far the other way that no one could possibly take it seriously. "What would happen," I thought, "if the cops tried to break up someone's seriously-intricate roleplaying session?" I sketched details in my head: the tableau, the music, the incense, the overblown romance-novel-hero speech...and the confrontation.

Then I decided to have some more fun with it. The cop would no doubt freak out if the "corpse" wasn't a corpse at all. (Of course, in real life he'd probably wind up emptying his gun into her, but that's neither here nor there). He'd be bound to take them both down to the station for questioning, but then, when you get right down to it, what laws had they actually broken? None. They were two consenting adults having some sexual play in private. The cop would have to let them go.

And then another perfectly delicious idea occurred. What if our Charity was even more of a deviant than the situation first suggested? What if she ALSO wanted to get caught doing their twisted little scene, and made a phone call beforehand to ensure it? Of course, she wouldn't be able to keep quiet when she was found out. Maybe she'll be made to pay later, but right now, her triumph is absolute.

Happy Halloween to all. Hope your holiday is a good one, whether you're handing out candy for the kiddies, taking your own around for candy acquisition, or attending a costume party of your own. 

The following people are participating this week. Go check out their take on this FFF, won't you, and thank 'em for playing along.

Soren: [deleted -- Soren had to back out at the last minute, I'm afraid]
Spring Flower:
Oversexed Librarian:  (OL is new this week; go say welcome!)
Lilith Pane:   (Lilith is a last-minute addition, and is also new this week; please go say welcome)
Kenny:  (another extreme last-minute addition)
Big Geek:  (still another very late addition) 

Check back here on Monday for the next challenge! And if you have any photos or artwork you'd like to see in a future challenge, please send them my way. 

-- PB


Drenchxoxo said...

Oh my Charity got him good!

“Drop the dick and step away from the body!” I spit my coffee reading that line.

Lilith Pane said...

Like drench, you nearly made me choke on my own laughter at that line!

Very clever!

TemptingSweets99 said...

LOL! That is some role-playing. I like Charity, a lot. ;-)

The Panserbjørne said...

Drench: I'm glad you liked it, because I was snickering madly while writing it. Thanks!

Lilith: Yeah, it had me laughing too, which isn't something that happens too often when writing my own stuff. Glad you liked!

TemptingSweets: I'm pretty sure there has been role-playing of this sort out there somewhere, just maybe not QUITE to this extent. But who knows? Thanks! :)

-- PB

Naughty Lexi said...

I'm glad these two did this in a municipality which has reasonable blue laws; I bet there are places in the country where this would be criminal, somehow. I liked the twist, and then the other twist got me. I've got literary whiplash over here.

Cheeky Minx said...

Now I know, without a shadow of a doubt, it is a health hazard to drink my morning cup of tea while reading your FFF posts! (And I see I'm not alone...)

Thank you for the snorting laughter, the third-degree burns and yet another superb piece, PB. :)

Spring Flower said...

"Drop the dick" - that is hilarious! I like how you turned gloomy to funny.

rozewolf said...

Lovely offering Panser! I agree with some of the others that the twist with Charity and the 'drop the dick' were priceless.

However, I have learned long ago not to drink while reading. Spit takes and my computer are not good mixes. :)

The Panserbjørne said...

Lexi: That's the fun of fiction, to have people get away with stuff they might not be able to in the real world. But really, how much could they be charged with in this case? I really couldn't come up with anything.

Minx: My apologies for the burns. I'll have to kiss it and make it better. :) Glad you enjoyed!

Spring Flower: I did quite like that line so I'm happy to see it getting such a warm response. Thanks!

Roze: Good, then I don't have to feel bad about ruining your monitor too. Happy you liked it all the same!

-- PB